Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Do 'Average' Women Really Hate 'Attractive' Women?

After the craziness which kicked off yesterday following Samantha Brick's rather self indulgent Daily Mail article about how women hate her for being beautiful, I couldn't help but ponder the subject. If you haven't already read the article, I recommend you do, followed by today's response - they're both quite unbelievable reads which will leave you equal parts baffled and amused.



Anyway - do we women really hate those more attractive than ourselves? If so, I should be the number one candidate. I do not consider myself even remotely attractive, all of my closest female friends are undeniably gorgeous, I'm a naturally jealous person and I have zero self confidence. So, do I hate beautiful women? Not at all. I don't hate them - I'm jealous of them.

Yes, I get jealous - what an unattractive thing to admit to, right? But jealousy is a natural thing in humans, female, male or anything in between. It's natural to feel competitive, it's natural to compare yourself to others, it's natural to envy others for what they have - it's what we do.

While I'll always be jealous of beautiful women, when they have an ugly personality I feel more a sense of pity. Looks fade - we'll all end up wrinkly, grey, with hair growing where it shouldn't be growing and skin hanging in places we didn't even know existed. How will we judge who is beautiful then? Who has the shiniest zimmerframe? Who's dentures polish up the best? No, then it will come down to who has the most beautiful soul, and a beautiful soul is worth far more than a beautiful face.

30 comments:

duckingfabulous said...

Well said - and so true! x

chyazsamuel said...

I find myself being very jealous of your looks Lily! The thing is, you have the awesome personality to complete it - there's no point being beautiful if you're ugly inside. xxx

Thedreamsofanizzyinabigwildworld:) said...

To be honest i thought that was a ridiculous article, the woman was clearly deluded but it does bring up the issue, if you are more attractive, do you start to act superior?? xxx

LGlithero said...

I found the article in question kind of pathetic. Never mind what Samantha looks like or how many men she has chasing after her- who is she to brand all other women as hateful, jealous and shallow? Her arrogant manner and 'bragging' on the Daily Mail website is what incited people to write those negative comments, not her looks. She condemns any woman who treats her negatively as being 'jealous', when actually it is her odd personality that people react negatively to.

I really agree with you in that people's personalities are what matter most. In Samantha's case- it was frankly a very strange article to write, and I do worry that maybe she's not 'all there'. Who would write those things about themselves? What did she hope to gain by writing that article apart from bragging about her own good looks?

Okay, rant over! Just my opinion.

WaxWhiteRose said...

I only hate them when they're bitches. Women who use their beauty to get what they want (like the boyfriend of someone else...) without taking others into consideration because they think less beautiful people don't deserve whatever it is they want. I really hate those kind of women and I'm afraid to tell that I've met a lot of them.

But if I meet a beautiful woman with her heart in the right place I can't help but being hoplessly envious (in the right way of course) ;)
I don't hate them at all!

TheOtherSideofCool said...

Lovely post :) firstly though, you are beautiful! I'm so sorry to hear about your lack of self confidence but admitting to jealousy and envy is very hard so well done! I hope that with time your confidence grows and you realise how wonderful you actually are.

I personally think I'm OK, there are things I'd like to change (more toned thighs/bum, less oily skin) but when I look in the mirror I'm basically happy. I have to live in this body and face, I do what I can do help it and learned to love the rest. I figured out a long time ago that hate is tiring and soul destroying and should be avoided at all costs.

However I never judge people based on how they look. If someone is beautiful, certainly I'm like 'Damn! I wish I looked that good!' but it wouldn't make me automatically hate that person! All my friends are beautiful and we're not all friends because each of us secretly thinks we're the better looking one! A healthy friendship could never exist on that basis.

I think, if it's true that men give her gifts or pay for her etc every day of her life, then fair play to the woman. She's not my idea of particularly attractive, she's ok but not stunning, but I'm sure some people do find her beautiful. But she cannot blame the fact she didnt get ahead in her jobs, or has no friends, on her looks. Maybe she wasn't the best person for the job, there is always someone out there better at your job than you and its in a companies interest to get the best people on board.

Living life truly believing that people dislike you or you fail all due to your looks is only going to bring disappointment and delusion. She needs to wake up and realise people don't like her because of her attitude and she missed out on promotions because she was too busy assuming she was too beautiful and looking down on the world and other women, instead of working hard.

I dont for a second believe that sisterhood is so dead that we're all incapable of being friends with and loving those who are 'more attractive' than ourselves.

What i'm trying to say is that in real life, people don't care what other people look like. It's all about who is good to you.

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jaljen said...

I KNOW I am more attractive at 56 than I was at 26 or 36. I can see it in the mirror. I am now a nicer person. I smile more and I am not so selfish.

This really HAS made me better-looking. A beauty I am not nor was ever 'meant' to be.

I used to wish I'd been born gorgeous but I can see it has pitfalls too. Look at Jennifer Aniston. Good-looking female but never seems happy.

Carly said...

God, Samantha's article was the biggest pile of nonsense I think I've ever read. Part of me thinks The Daily Mail just published it to troll people. I agree with you though, everyone is going to age, so I guess there's no point in being jealous!
xxx

Robyn said...

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to say women hate pretty women, you only have to look at the blogosphere, where women create so many friendships despite everyone being bloody gorgeous, to see that!

Nevermind that beauty is also completely subjective to say the least!

Emily Has Dimples x said...

Totally agree, can understand jealousy on a shallow level because it's a natural human attribution to want something you can't have/be something you're not/grass is greener etc...but hate is such a strong word...You can't hate somebody for looks they were born with! Beauty does indeed come from the inside!x

Cydonian said...

Jealousy is a common emotion, there's nothing wrong with it. I think a lot of women dissociate themselves from it because they feel that it's an 'unattractive' emotion to have, when we really all have it. I don't think that someone who feels they are less attractive than someone else who may be society's standard of 'beautiful' HATES them per se, maybe some do... I think they're jealous just like you, me and the rest of the population. Jealousy can easily turn into hate if you're not aware of your feelings.

Glitterish Allsorts said...

It was the most bizarre thing I have read in a a long time...I am still bewildered by it!!

Glitterish Allsorts said...

The brick article was the weirdest thing I had read in such a long time - I found it baffling. I feel sorry for her, she may be conventionally attractive (tall, blonde etc) but there is definitely a complex or two in that head of hers!

Sue said...

;)

Ms Red said...

You are STUNNING Lily and I wish I looked half as good as you.

I read the article in a slight sense of shock tbh, mostly because while the woman isn't butt ugly, she's also not as good looking as she's saying she is. So I totally understand why she's getting knocked...

I think only a few woman hate others because of their looks tbh, I know I'm less than a looker, but I don't hate others who look better than me.. I don't really care how they look at the end of the day.. it's my life Im concerned with not theirs.

That woman is just a self centred, somewhat deluded individual and I pity her.

AlexHatesYou said...

I was really surprised to see her picture... I don't know what the other women look like where she lives but here in San Diego she would definitely be average at best. The chick has got some issues indeed.

eight said...

I have some very attractive friends who must have won the genetics lottery, but .. they're my friends, so obviously I don't hate them. Jealous of them? Sure, but I could never hate them.

And pfft.. I think you're really pretty!

Powdered Almond said...

You said it. Great post and damn right too. I genuinely believe the original article was just trolling in article form, designed to get responses - I'm not sure anybody really feels that way about women and if they do they are appallingly misogynistic. As for yourself, you are certainly attractive - you have lovely bone structure and I know you are a veggie which tells me you are a caring soul! I hope the positive comments you get on your blog boost your confidence. I understand what you mean about jealousy - it is normal and natural. But usually if I see beautiful women - well groomed, glamorous types, I usually just feel admiration - it takes far more effort than I am usually willing to put in! x

Robyn said...

I used to be SO jealous when I was in my teens of other women, but you know what? I grew up and got the hell over it. People are ALWAYS going to be more physically atrractive than I am, and people are always going to be LESS physically attractive than I am, as horrible as it sounds both ways. Anyway - shut up, because you are beautiful!

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Jonny Henson said...

You are beautiful....undeniably, insanely and totally incredible and your soul is what helps me through every tough episode in my life..and you make nice cake, interesting...but nice xx

Pearl Squirrel said...

I read all three articles and some of the comments and asked my boyfriends opinion. He agrees with a lot of it and feels like it is in all women subconsciously. I felt kind of offended, because he included me in that too.. As a teen I was very insecure and I would evade the girls I looked up to because I would only feel more of an idiot next to them. I know some people perceived me as arrogant too, while I would just descibe myself as a reserved stiff person that can't relax and be fun.. I guess it's hard to tell the difference between those 2 sometimes.

Great post, I loved reading your point of view!

Lutrinaë said...

I couldn't stop laughing after reading Samantha's brick article, first because people which have a huge lack of modesty always make me laugh and second because, she might be nice, but I've seen nicer and I think the ratio ego versus beauty doesn't make a balance here!!

And then I second TheOtherSideOfCOol, you're really pretty and I hope you get more confident as time goes :o)

MissMai said...

I agree with Samantha Brick, she is speaking the truth, women are mean to each other, and if you are remotely attractive you better build a thick skin fast. Any guy you ask about her articles will tell you that Samantha is telling the truth. Great blog....xx

LydiaTheStrange said...

I first heard about the article last night on 10 O'Clock Live and really had to laugh at Jimmy Carr's comments, they were mean but only fair if you write such garbage. Either way, I personally think she's made herself look a bit of a dickhead, and now everyone is going to be picking out her flaws for the next couple of years. There will be memes.

As a woman, I feel more jealous of women who can eat what they want and still fit into a size 8, now that's unfair.

lizS said...

coming out of lurking to post:
funny you should write this as i *just* watched a blurb on a morning show here in the states that interviews jamie lee curtis. i love her. her stances on the insanty that seems to have gripped our culture on obsessing over aging and being beautiful are absolutely inspiring. anyway, in this interview, her views came up, and she said the following, which is going to become my own personal motto, and which i hope CATCHES FIRE, because it says it all:
"i am more concerned with the content of my character than the contour of my face."
awesome, right?! says. it. all.

RedHead said...

I think it's interesting that those of us who admit to having low self-confidence and hate how we look are the ones with personal style/beauty blogs where we post pictures of ourselves! Strange psychology of the internet.
Beauty changes with fashion, can be faked, isn't permanent, and is in the eye of the beholder. SB might think she's beautiful, but she's ugly inside and she won't be beautiful forever.

Phendrænima said...

I read that Samantha woman's articles & I honestly wanted to slap her. She's average at best, and I don't think I've ever encountered anyone that's that disgustingly full of themselves. She honestly believes that anyone who does anything nice for her just has the hots for her, and that every woman who doesn't like her is just jealous, and it's pathetic. That attitude should never progress past 8th grade, she needs to grow up. Women like her make me sick, her kind of drivel just fuels the girl-on-girl hate & competition that needs to be stamped OUT.

Oh, and you're seriously gorgeous, I can't believe you don't think you're even pretty -___-

Ana said...

I had no idea who she was, read your post and imagined a really beautiful woman, and then I googled her. she's not that pretty, her mirrors must do wonders though...
seriously, why would one envy that droopy face & fake smile? o.O

P.S.: then I googled some more and this made me laugh: «In my opinion she’s got a dodgy-looking nose and a freaky, weird smile. She’s got kind of a Miss Piggy-like face.» from this blog: http://mallazmalcolmwhite.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/some-ramblings-about-music-numpties-in-the-news/

kathryn vega said...

So you say when a beautiful person's looks fade all they will be left with is an ugly outer-shell and an ugly personality...Which is exactly what you have now..jealousy is an ugly ugly trait...if you just concentrate more on yourself and living a happy life your quality of life would greatly improve and you wouldn't have to come up with non-existant reasons to hate someone....Maybeeee jusssst maybeeee those beautiful bitches are actually wonderful people tired of people judging them and hating them just because it's easier to hate them than to actually have to admit oh shit this person actually is SMART, FUNNY, AND ATTRACTIVE...damn I was hoping there was SOMETHING wrong with her.

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